Into a Grey Sky Morning

The mix of leaves and snow sound cold as they are crushed. The stones underneath are packed hard and interspersed with shallow valleys of white. All but the oaks have shed their leaves, standing throughout the endless tangle of naked branches of the lesser trees. The birch stand stark white against the brown-grey backdrop of the dead and dying flora of late autumn. The mixed hues of grey obscuring the sun this morning reflect in the unusually calm waters of the lake, giving the illusion of a billowing sea on the glass surface.
The stillness of the morning is broken only by the sharp calls of communicating crows and the ruckus of a solitary goose that feels its space has been invaded and must take refuge further from the lake shore.
It is the same old loop that has been traveled many times before. The small inclines and delclines are a welcomed respite from the tarmac. The dam provides a sweeping view of the small lake, the bridges crossing her and the backdrop of the mountains to the north.
There is nothing special about the day, nothing new about the route, nothing to lock one's attention onto. That is what makes it perfect.
It is a late fall morning in Pennsylvania. The sun is still brightening the disgruntled sky and will set again in a few short hours. The furncae at home is roaring to life with flames from the fuel mined from the very core of the earth.
The work day is an hour away yet. At the present there is not another soul to share in the November morning.
It is unadulterated and an unmatched experience.

Seeing Isn't Always Believing

I know what I look like now. I know that the man in the mirror isn't the one that looked at me with distraught eyes covered up by an ever present smile and self-deprecating jokes. The ability to laugh at one's self is an important character trait; we should never take ourselves too seriously. However, the kind of laughter that I forced upon myself wasn't healthy. I was the first to laugh at and point out my flaws to ensure that no one else had the chance. I was hiding behind a facade of happiness as thick as the extra insulation layer covering my skeleton. Unfortunately, the former was fake whereas the latter was a very real, very dangerous thing.
The first I had weighed myself in years was one evening after boxing and sparring with some of the Criminal Justice majors at Waynesburg's mat room. We had been going up there in the evenings a few times a week to work on strength training and preparing ourselves for the physical aspects of the jobs that we were studying for. When I stepped on, the scale read 310. Do you remember that feeling that you got when you were a kid and your parents found out you had lied to them? That cold chill that spreads through your chest and paralyzes your lungs momentarily? That is what hit me square in the sternum that evening. I never made any plans to do what I did. I never voiced my determination to anyone, including myself, but I found myself at the gym in the evenings befriending the elliptical trainer and stationary bike. Soon thereafter I found myself out in the dark streets of Waynesburg, shuffling around the .8 mile loop around the parks. My lungs burned in the early spring air. It hurt and was miserable. I hated it.
I then found myself continuing this ritual around the back roads of Willards, Maryland. I was either wasting time on a four day off stretch or trying to tire myself out enough to sleep after a long night on third shift. I took to the bike as well, once riding 32 miles, geocaching along the way. I would take the ride in to Ocean City on route 50, 16 miles out to visit my friends and 16 back to the house. I remember distinctly when 3 miles became my easy run. I remember the routes, I remember the landmarks, I remember the awful smell of chicken farms, the horse that would run along the fence with me and the oppressive heat of a noon run. I remember that running 12 miles took me so long that my parents were almost home from a visit by the time I returned to my house. It's a five and a half hour drive from Duncansville to Willards, and I left as soon as they pulled out of the driveway. My neighbors thought I was insane, as did my roommates.
My calorie deficit was so large that I lost roughly 90 pounds of blubber in three months time. I mistreated my body along the way and I may pay for it later, but at the other end of that very long, dark tunnel, I wouldn't change what I did.
When I got home, folks I knew who hadn't seen me since I left for my internship thought I had cancer. I had an unhealthy obsession with my bathroom scale. I was fanatical about portions and calories, measuring everything and running until I had a zero or negative calorie intake for the day. My body ached, my muscles in my upper half disappeared. My family was worried, and although I told them nothing was wrong with me, that I was just driven, they had every right to be concerned.
 In our engagement photos I look like a holocaust victim. There was a serious disconnect in my brain that was controlling my life. I thought that I no longer cared for the classes I was taking or the major of study I had chosen. Unfortunately, this mindset prevailed throughout my last year of college. I had found something that had transformed me and I was utterly and completely hooked.
I had lived by myself for 3 months time. When you are on your own, you can convince yourself that what you are doing is the correct way. I went from living one lifestyle to another, a life dominated by two polar extremities. It took me a long time to come around to a healthy lifestyle.
If you have ever been significantly overweight, I guess you could relate. I had worked so hard to get to where I was at that I was terrified that I would immediately revert back if I changed anything. I didn't see the person others saw. I didn't see my pointy angles and gaunt features. I was still seeing the "Old McGinnis", as my friends refer to him. He was a fun guy, I'm told. I guess the one that replaced him is somewhat older and less exciting, but at least, God willing, this one will live to see his kids grow up and be able to play tag with them.
Fortunately, I have since straightened out. I haven't truly weighed myself in a very long time; I don't even own a scale. Sometimes I go to far and hit my "Dessert Periods" where I eat sweets by the truck load. However, I then revert back to eating clean and eating enough, and the pudge goes away. Weight, as with life, is a balancing act. Neither are as hard as we are led to believe.
 This post is not an airing of dirty laundry or a ploy to derive sympathy from you. This is a word of motivation and a cautionary tale to any and all. The moral of this story is twofold. Firstly, I pulled myself up from grotesque obesity by the shoe laces. Running was my constant, and running has literally saved my life. I guarantee you that is a fact. It took discipline, hard work and an iron determination to get from A to B, and I may not have taken the safest road, but it is possible to change the things in yourself that you do not like.  Just as I say life is a balancing act, life also has no shortcut. There is no easy way. That is why achievements are so special: YOU achieved it through hard work. This isn't limited to weight loss, this is a universal rule.
Secondly, be very careful in your travel from A to B. Realize that life has other aspects and that your task is probably not as important as you feel it is at the time. Enjoy the road and the moments along the way, because they are quick to come and pass.